Welcome, foolish tricksters
by ThePurpleSuperCow
Summary: A one-shot made to celibrate the best Halloween obssetions in the world.


Hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed making it. I love my brain sometimes. The rating is only like it is because of the morbid scenes. I know I should be working on 'Gone', but my wood chipper has this mysterious bight mark on the controls so a writer's block has formed. As soon as I get the parts I need that block is going _down_! Enough of my rants…enjoy!

"Welcome, foolish mortals." A disembodied voice rang out from the door way. "Kindly step inside, there's a chill in the air."

The three children looked at each other; not out of fright, but excitement.

"Look alive, there's no turning back _now_."

The three hurriedly ran into the mansion, completely forgetting the reason that they came.

Soon after they entered, the door creaked as it closed, locking them in for the night.

It was extremely dark in the hall as the three walked the same voice guiding them through the large house as if giving a tour.

"Welcome to the Haunted Mansion, I am your host, your _ghost_ host. Our tour begins in this gallery," With that the candles burned into life, "where you see paintings of some of our guests in their corruptible _mortal_ state." The three children looked at the paintings in awe. The only girl of the three looked intently at one, which depicted a woman simply holding an umbrella over her head. As she watched the frame and the painting inside appeared to stretch. Details were added as it went; a skirt, ballet shoes, a tight rope over a pond of crocodiles.

"Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding. Almost as if you sense a disquieting metamorphosis." Indeed she and her two companions had paled under their masks when the full details of each painting came to light. "Is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination? And consider this dismaying observation; this chamber has _no_ windows and _no_ doors." The voice laughed at the three as they frantically searched to find this statement true. "Which offers you this chilling challenge; to find a _way out_!" It laughed evilly as the children huddled together. "Of course there's always _my_ way." Lightning crashed, thunder clapped, the candles blew out as a scream pierced the air. It was just happenstance that the three were looking up to see a shadowy figure swinging from the ceiling above their heads. The children ran to a wall to get out from whatever the thing was. Breathing heavily from the scare, one of the boys leaned on the wall only to find a narrow doorway where there wasn't one before. "Aw, I didn't mean to frighten you _prematurely_. The _real_ chills come later. Now, we can continue our little tour." The three went through the door way to find a long hallway. One side had windows depicting the terrible storm was, in fact, getting worse. The other, more paintings. These paintings, instead of stretching, transformed. A woman lying on a couch turned into a cat monster, a man on a horse turned skeletal, a boat was suddenly caught up in a frightful storm.

"We have several prominent ghosts who have retired here from creepy old crypts all over the world. Actually, we have nine-hundred and ninety-nine happy haunts here, but there's room for a thousand, any volunteers?" *1

The trio stopped in their tracks, each thinking that the others should go first.

"If you insist on lagging behind, you may not _need_ to volunteer." All three shot forward, not noticing the statues of heads following their every move. The children all but ran down the hall turning a corner and came to an immediate stop. There seemed to be a rail of some sort. Looking one way it came out dark hole in the wall. The best way to describe it would be an upright coffin that could sit two or three in relative comfort.

"The carriage that will carry you to the moldering sanctum of the spirit world will accommodate all three of you. Kindly watch your step as you board please." The three sat in the 'carriage' immediately noticing a large bar running across the front of the open cart.

"Do not pull down on the safety bar, please; I will lower it for you. And heed this warning; the spirits will materialize _only_ if you remain quietly seated at all times." The bar lowered across their laps, successfully locking them in. The 'carriage' started moving up a small incline, taking them who-knows-where. *2

"We find it delightfully un-livable here in this ghostly retreat," the lights came on enough for them to see another hallway at the end of which a floating candelabrum hovered in small circles. "Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running chills. Shh, listen." Ghostly moans and shrieks were heard. They passed by a coffin, clearly laid out for a wake, trembling. "All our ghosts have been _dying_ to meet you. This one can hardly contain himself." A distinct but softly muffled 'let me out of here' was heard as they passed. Doors growled, seeming to breathe on their own, and a huge grandfather clock ran backwards. "Unfortunately, they all seem to have trouble getting though," They excited the hallway to come to a séance room. "Perhaps Madam Leota can establish contact," All they could see at first was a large high-backed chair but they continued around to see the chair empty but the crystal ball floating a few inches off the table wasn't. "She has a remarkable head for materializing the disembodied." The voice trailed off as their transport came to a soft halt. Madam Leota's strong voice carried itself throughout the echoing chamber. "Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat, call in the spirits, wherever they're at. Rap on a table, It's time to respond, send us a message from somewhere beyond. Goblins and goolies from last Halloween awaken the spirits with your tambourine. Creepies and crawlies toads in a pond, let there be music from regions beyond. Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell, give us a hint by ringing a bell…"*3

During her incantation, several objects flew from the shadows and danced around the table to her words.

"The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations and are beginning to materialize, they're assembling for a swinging wake, and they'll be expecting me. I'll see you all a little later." With that a cold lifted off the three that they didn't even know was there until just that moment. And the 'carriage' continued onward. They came to a large ballroom. In the middle was a large table set out for a party in the blink of an eye, the table was filled with ghosts. An organ played morbidly in the corner; two or three ghosts were swinging from the chandelier, and the paintings on the back wall came alive turned to each other and shot his neighbors hat off only to return to their original positions. A child at the head of the table blew out the candles in the cake presented to him, unintentionally taking his guests with the flames. Several other specters were dancing to the unidentifiable music coming from the organ. None of them pauses in their repeating actions to take notice of the new-comers as they passed on the balcony above them. The trio's 'carriage' takes them away to what looks like a dusty attic. The distinct melody of 'here comes the bride' is playing loudly. Several male looking specters jump out and yell 'I do!' before crawling back into hiding. A manikin displaying an old-fashioned wedding dress sits in plain sight, the three's eyes are drawn to it as a soft thump-thump is heard over the music. Every time the thump-thump is heard, a red-ish light comes from the place where a heart would be on the dress.

The wedding march slowly fades as another, more upbeat, tune takes its place.*4 Leaving the attic behind them, the three find themselves in a graveyard of sorts. The caretaker stands outside the gates with his shivering dog, too frightened to enter the place where the three children had no choice but to go to. The graveyard was a veritable party. There were ghosts singing, dancing, playing various instruments, and generally talking and having the time of their after-lives. There were ghosts from all areas and periods of history, there was even a mummy talking to an old wizened ghost. There was too much to see, too much to describe, too much to believe. But what caught a three's attention, and held it firm, were the five singing stone heads. They were in time to the eerie music that played, seemingly for them. *5

"Ah, there you are." Their host had returned, scaring the children out of their skins. "And just in time, there is a little matter that I forgot to mention; beware of hitch-hiking ghosts!" As he said that, three ghosts materialized in front of the 'carriage', thumbing for a ride. "They have selected _you_ to fill our quota, and they'll haunt you until you return. Now I will raise the safety bar and a ghost will follow you home." He ended with the most evil laugh yet as the ride came to an end and bar holding the three lifted. Before they could run completely out of the vehicle they heard 'hurry back, hurry back.' In a low sing-song voice. This caused the three to run faster. They blindly stumbled into the night to bump into a tall thin figure. They looked into the familiar face of Jack Skellington, who had fallen when they collided, and smothered him in sobs and hugs.

"Lock, Shock, Barrel? What are you three doing? Halloween is almost over, you should be home."

"Yes, Jack!" shouted the red devil boy.

"Right away, Jack!" chimed in the purple clad witch.

"See you there, Jack!" finished the green haired skeleton boy.

They all ran home, silently agreeing to never speak of this again. Jack looked at them run home '_where is all their candy?_' was the only thought to run through his skull.

*1- At this point in the ride, I always hold up my hand and yell 'Me! Me! Pick me!'

*2- I do!

*3- Yes, that is the actual incantation used in the ride, I was lucky enough to get stuck in that room when the ride broke down and I wrote it all on my hand, then went to YouTube for a confirmation.

*4- Grim, grinnin' ghosts.

*5- I didn't put down the lyrics because I want you to find them yourself; ok, I was just being lazy.

Yes this is the love child of my imagination and current obsessions, namely Haunted Mansion and NBC. Please allow for a little artistic licensing when it came to the lines used in the ride, I had to change a few things to make it more personal to the Trio instead of a huge crowd that would be there. I tried to make things as accurate as possible, if you don't know the ride this was the one in Disney_land_ not world, even if the two are similar. I also took some lines from the comic 'Haunted Mansion: We're Dying to Meet You!' Best ten bucks I _ever_ spent.


End file.
